Sixfoot6.com - Putting Stuff Away.

Hey. So, I've historically made a number of sarcastic comments about all of the time and energy and money poured into what is essentially superfluous luxury technology, especially when it comes to the toothbrush. There are shapes and sizes and colors; rubber points, bristle indicators, bristle arrangements, flip-top heads, sonic waves and vibrating handles and so on and so on. Apparently all of this crap is necessary because a) we're all to lazy to take the time to brush our teeth thoroughly with a standard toothbrush, and b) we've all been suckered into eating all sorts of unnatural sugary acidic junkfood, thanks to comparable campaigns surrounding food tech breakthroughs - X-treme whipped portable sweetened yogurt, SuperCoke, McGriddleFat sammiches, Olestra snacks, beef sticks, cheesteaks and funny shaped noveltie lunchable candy. Because,certainly, fruits and vegetables aren't interesting or tasty enough. All of this product R+D energy could be put into cancer research or something, but there's no money in cancer. Besides, it seems pretty clear that soda is causing all of the cancer in the first place, if you ask me.

I'm, er, digressing. Anyway, so I'm growing up to be the sort of fellow who likes to talk trash about product placement and marketing, who actively resists and sometimes openly defies (like my father) the implication made by every television in the room and billboard on the horizon that my life is MISSING something. I know how the advertising tricks work. This certain something can be regained in the form of some new and satisfying shiny product, waiting for me with open arms at some local store, complete with the latest innovation developed to get an edge over the competing brand. I know this, but of course I still find myself eating processed cheese, and I'm impressed with new sorts of food products, and I really like watching flashy well-produced car ads, and I crave candy and electronics, and I recently ate a McGriddle even though I'd already read Fast-Food Nation, and sometimes I like soda, and I find toothbrush innovations to be remarkably clever. The usual crap.

And surely the best example of my hypocritical life as a sporadically defiant, post-post-modern consumer is my complete love of the new Gillette MACH3Turbo razor. I hate Gilette for their stupid XTREME product names, those obnoxious flying laser blade graphics campaigns, and their downright outlandish prices. Last night I dropped $17 on their latest "best shave ever", plus 4 extra blades. The impossible-to-open razor package actually came with a 6-bit brushed stainless screwdriver, which looks pretty sturdy and cool, and I'll certainly get some use out of it.

But here's the rub: the Mach3Turbo shave is fucking fantastic. It actually makes other razors seem retarded. I can't believe that ten years ago I using my father's double sided Shick razor - more or less the equivalent of shaving with the rusty bow of a freight barge. Recently I bought a generic three blade razor, and it was a joke. Gillette has me. I can tell they're hooking me like crack, and I don't care. My face feels that good. My life is perfect now.