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OrgasmsDecember 8, 2003 Last Thursday my girlfriend spent the night at my place, on the futon pulled onto the floor in my home office, in front of the fireplace. And the next morning as I sat on the living room floor tying my shoes, we had a short conversation that went something like this:Ryan: You know, it's funny how when we first met six months ago we both had insane schedules—me with my intense freelance work, and you with your all-night-long film digitizing—and now we're boring.We hugged goodbye and headed off toward our respective offices. About six minutes later, as I was driving my big white boat down Magnolia Boulevard, I was shocked to see a giant billboard with huge white bubble letters that read: ORGASMS Oh, that's not right. I shouldn't have to look at that. Kids will see that. That's not something I should have to look at every morning during my quiet drive to work. Some poor father is going to have to explain to his daughter what ORGASMS are just because of this big sign! How would I like it if some big billboard forced me to talk about sex with my daughter before it was time? I wouldn't, that's how. That's not right. Somebody should do something. Nasty bitches.The thoughts passed, and I turned left to head toward the Metro station. But the encounter caught my attention, and I gave it some thought. What I discovered during that brief moment—for the first time ever, I believe—was a taste of the sensations, instincts and attitudes of actual conservative adults. I'm not talking about ordinary Republicans, I'm talking about honest-to-god crotchety old and bitter conservative type fuddy-duddies. It scared me, and I did not like it. But I knew in that moment that I was right, and Jenny was wrong, and we are both doomed to grow old, backwards and boring. To conclude, there are four epilogic points to be made here: 1) I'm a life-long democrat with an undying belief in free-speech. I believe that sooner or later our kids will be exposed to everything gross, offensive and violent in our culture, and that it's up to parents to talk to them about it all and put these things in context. 2) There are plenty of more offensive material that one can encounter on a billboard around here. This is the Valley, after all. 3) I love orgasms. What's not to like about orgasms? Nothing, that's what. Jenny would agree. 4) Upon closer examination, the billboard is actually promoting a play by Dan Israely, now running at the Canon Theatre here in L.A. How disgusting! « prev | December 2003 | next » 11 Comments
My personal trial of fire as a card-carrying free speech zealot came when I subbed in an elementary school music class. The 1st graders (1st graders, mind you) were offended by the Seasame Street video the teacher had left for them. They screamed, "We don't want to watch Seasame Street! We're not little kids!" "So," I asked. "What do you want to watch?" The reply was immediate and vociferous: "We want to watch South Park!" At that moment, I knew our society is doomed to go the way of ancient Rome. Smoke 'em if you got 'em. Posted by: Michael on 11 Dec 03 at 08:36AMOh, it occurred to me that I should probably introduce myself. My name is Michael (natch), and I swing by your site from time to time, because it's always an interesting read when I'm bored. And I'm frequently bored. I love your site keep up the good work (or some other such platitude). Posted by: Michael on 11 Dec 03 at 08:57AMHi Ryan. I liked this post. Here in Montreal where the Quebec government apparently regards zoning as an anglophone conspiracy, my street consists largely of cheap housing, cheaper noodle shops, churches, and strip joints with provocative nakey lady pictures in the windows and extremely crude doormen. At this point I'm pretty much immune. Shock value is so short lived.. Posted by: Jessie on 13 Dec 03 at 10:27PMHAPPY BIRTHDAY. Posted by: Lisser on 14 Dec 03 at 12:06PMShock value IS short lived. I barely notice the LIVE LIVE NUDE NUDE GIRLS GIRLS GIRLS signs sprinkled througout the L.A. area anymore... I guess they just blend in with the rest of the visual landscape. Actually, one near the airport is quite pretty. Posted by: Ryan on 15 Dec 03 at 09:17AMthere's something terribly wrong with the u.s. value system, sex is a big problem, violence and war doesn't seem to be one (> schwarzenegger ...); AUTHOR: we don't see this kind of "stunt" in malaysia. I have a huge fear of that growing old stuff myself. Generally I try to do something fruitly at least once every few weeks. If I am that crazy person hopefully I will never become that republican...at least that is my current excuse for my current misguided course of action. Posted by: aaron wall on 20 Jan 04 at 02:49AMRyan, Ryan, Ryan.... do you know anything about women?? You should have had your girlfriend sleeping in your bed while you slept on the futon.... silly boy! Posted by: Kendal on 25 Jan 04 at 07:56PMHehe... actually, we BOTH slept on the futon. I thought that would be too SCANDALOUS for my weblog. No more futon now, though, 'cuz I have my brand new queen-sized bed. Posted by: Ryan on 26 Jan 04 at 04:22PM |
Pulp InsideKeeping BusyThis sidebar showed Ryan's upcoming events and activities circa 2003.
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