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may 25th, 2000 after a wonderweek

another five days with that bright girl        

kariann had been up all night when she left jersey at 7 am to drive the five hours north to plymouth to see me, that crazy girl, and i gave her the tour of my house and my neighborhood and it was overcast and stayed that way all week but that was all right. i had missed her all over the place.

that afternoon we walked all over downtown plymouth with jonas. each of us wore a sweatshirt, i think. it felt that way. later we went to see the movie gladiator, which rocked. saturday night dave joined us chez jonas for drinking and talk and cigarettes and music and adderol. energetic and comfortable, chit chatting greek life and plans and winding up. 

morning brought french toast, coffee, and a casual afternoon. driving up townwe swing by the town wharf to visit dave, then we drove her cherokee all the way out to the end of plymouth beach, where there was no one around except a couple of ya dudes packin' a bowl in a blazer, so we walked on the sand and played frisbee. it was cold outside. at home we drank wine and I grilled beef kabobs. it was all yummy. mom and kariann talked up a storm. we went to a bar downtown and sipped a coupla cold beers. mmm.

two tall bodies in a warm twin bed.

i slept late, but finally monday found us driving north to boston where i showed girl my campus, and my city; the walk from b.u. through kenmore and newbury comics, stopping to buy cds and coffee. she picked up  nashville skyline, homogenic, chronic 2001, and bought me the new eliott smith disc because i'm dead broke as usual. We walked across to faneiul hall and drooled over the eateries and I took a piss in an intensely humid, steamy bathroom. at 7:30 we met up with my friend jonah and this girl nancy. dinner was vietnamese food and it was pretty good, even though kariann's chicken was actually pork, but what you gonna do. after cartoon talk and a long walk, we all split up. 

kariann and i wandered in to the nickelodeon without paying and saw the virgin suicides, a beautiful, mysterious film, dark and occasionally humorous. the acting was outstanding, but most impressively, the story was told in a way that let form reinforce content--questionless answers, detailed sketches. i drove home and she kept thinking i was going to crash. we went to bed late, but she didn't sleep at all.

tuesday we walked and cleaned and picked up my sister after school and got ice cream. she helped me cook up bow ties tossed with vegetables and fresh alfredo sauce, garlic bread and all. not bad, if i do say so myself. later we sat in eriks kitchen, burning copies of a few choice compact discs, watching conan o'brien, smoking. 

the night was long, intimate, separate, emotionally complex, sobbingly dark, dawn lit, and we walked at five am, me in my navy hoodie and she in my red j crew rollneck, creating the sun. i am not a pillar of strength, by any means, but it's a role to be played. back home, we ate sliced mango. i said "this is the part where i feed you yogurt and make funny faces to make you giggle." i did, she did.

we turned our minds toward sleep. she drifted off smiling, a soft-lit angel, and in that dripping, unbeknownst middle place of sleep, i heard the words "i'm a little girl". 

i kissed her good morning. she left at noon on wednesday. i wandered around the house and went back to bed, empty.

you can force it but it will not come
my baby's got the bends
don't leave me high
she tastes like the real thing
i don't wanna be crippled cracked
if you think that your strong enough
you do it to yourself
a total waste of time
all surrogate and bulletproof
blame it on the falling sky
you are so pretty when you're on your knees
this machine will, will not communicate