more recent entryto saga crossroadsolder entry

February 13th, 2000 at 11:21 PM

growing i'm you're damn


end well it's week end and full of tractors and sun shine down on me

boy do i love attention. i must sound like a great guy. i am a good friend.

what a lanky fuck.

i am spin honest, content. Content: crafted, fabrication here's where girls can I you never touch fell

across america [arrest this man he talks too much it buzzes like a] 

editing myself. you cant keep this up for long, dude, constant, connection, stop

me if you've heard this one, self in dull gent [side ways glance], 

capable of love, never really needing anyone. Think In Gesture.


why am i tempted not to reveal my cards.

the way your hair falls is fucking amazing.


straight sequenced word oppression has fooled you caught you share information? right.

i'm pushing at you. i can create me. INDULGE THIS. 

here, honey, try 

to understand how i've fooled myself, here's what

i did today, the straight Phonetic:


Eye a whoa can dye rows form I mourn ink up owe tee .

Mire room eight tad two were curly two day.

Here eat urn DAT won oak lock.

Wheat hook thief horde too gets um think force upper.

Hour bean sander ice word eel lush us.

Eye too cough you faux tog raft sat Tut rack tour fare.

Wee Yates um din err aft tear cum Ming ohm.


damn thats never non-struggling for me English headstrong, even so it takes hours what must Joyce have fought through. I'm willing to give it all Hun dread puse scent if necessary but how the fuck to people get these opportunities. I don't want to close doors. Only stopping to moving for the right reasons. And already there are parts of me, of ME, that i consider to be My Thang, that are slipping away. I'm not scared, but i dont want to Forget, because when you forget you become actually Old, incapable of learning, driven by safety and comfort, not by madness and vigor. I'm not afraid, i've made that clear to me, but if Simultaneity don't stand i will lose the past and future as they wait in this present moment and become trapped in that day job career and always regret that i didnt grab her in the ass. I CAN FEEL THAT WINDOW SLIPPING SHUT. 


I do this every so often.

The firmness of your lips makes me laugh when I'm dozing.


Let me paraphrase by sharing with you the entire body of an email I sent 14 months ago to a girl in Boston who I never met, exactly as I typed it. I think we got in touch through a Hotmail classified ad, and we kept an email relationship going for a couple of weeks during December. As you read it, you'll see that my words flow heavy with a kind of energetic confidence, an honest interest in getting to know someone better, and a real lust for sharing myself. It's a fearlessness. I've never been hurt badly. But my point is, I can feel that energy SLIPPING away, ever so slowly. If the maturing of my body and the external world leads me to abandon the part of me that wrote this email, that IS like this email, then that's okay. But its not learning that's leading me. I just don't want to forget. Then was and is as real as now. Its all here, NOW.


enough. i'm just trying these thoughts on for angle. Here:


well I apologize for having not writen
in so long.  I was home in Plymouth for a full week enjoying
                        family and giving thanks.  Luckily no american
indian protests
gave my little town trouble.  I spent the week recording some songs and
watching a bunch of
movies and not doing any homework.  it was a week
simultaneously busy and lazy.  I dont really have a bedroom back in my old
house so it was strange
to just hang out there for a whole week.  I went bowling on saturday
night, which was fun but the fun doubled when the lights and the dj came on
                and the shit
                hit flashing rolling musical
with laughter and pins falling and gloria gaynor to metallica.  damn.  and i
well, with my family and a couple of freinds.

thank you for telling me about your            interest in and your
with animals I particularly enjoyed hearing about your
"undercover" internship.  It sounds like you are actually

                            out in the world
doing good for something you really care about        I smiled out loud
when you mentioned you were exhausted due to
driving 10 cats to another shelter.    Where is the MsPcA shelter
@ boston?  I've never seen it.   Its funny, my mother always claimed that
she was allergic to animal fur [escept she was actually lying, she's just
afraid of pets]  so as a result I grew up without ever having a pet.  I
encounter pets of friends and sometimes feel a very strong connection to
certain furry rascals but I have never had a longstanding
bond with a dog or a cat like some of my friends.  Lookung back, that's sort
of dissapointing
                                    but i turned out ok.  i think.
yesterday i arrived back in the city and proceeded out on a six hour bike

with my friend and roomate Dan  through everywhere from Cambridge to deep
to the Boston Common so nice a climate and experience for
December 1st.  And today i rode to class something about biking in traffic
listening to powerful music
gets me going in the morning.
                                                        everywhere we went
last night, we kept encountering
overwhelming, Gattica-esque urban concrete landscapes [i said it before and
ill say it again

"we're living in the future".
]  Boy, do i love cement, brick, and asphalt.  It's good to ride on smooth
surfaces, at least, but
I never last long in the city without missing the forests and fields of

I do find that I am content most anywhere, though.  With a little
imagination you can find the good qualities in anywhere or anyone or any
kind of music.  Imagination lets you see things from a new perspective, and
it is the assimilation of mulitiple perspectives that makes people smarter.
I never was good at learning facts.  What the hell am i typing about
    So you are interested in returning to school for marine biology.  What a
great realm of science... but why do you want to study it?  I guess I mean
to ask what you want to do with such a degree...  My father works in
Bio-physics here in boston; he studies cells under electron microscopes.  I
was always convinced I wanted to study science as a kid, and not Until mid
highscool did I start to think otherwise.  How I ended up in English is a
bit of a mystery  I chose it I belive becuase it's the most Open and Human
field that i can find.
    I have also been wondering where in this city you live.  I am way out at
the end of the C line, in Boston College land (that's why I spend at least 4
hours a day watching football and drinking Bud Ice) so I take the train or
ride my bicycle frequently.  I consider myself a walker, though, first and
foremost.  I am not sure how well you know this city, but I recommend
walking down newbury street on
        a capitalism frought saturday
        listening to OK Computer and eating smarties or a Mocha Valencia
from one of
our fair city's 30 conveniently located starbucks.  that's what
                                        i did for the entire months of march
april and may of this year.  And I dont regret it.

well i would love to hear more about you since I dont know much at all
though i know you are not the type to bleed out everything through text.
And i aint either it would be nice
to meet you since my fingers suffer from this
have a good evening

it's funny, the way i composed that email. I don't think I would write like that again.

and to be honest, i'm not sure what that means. but you see, about words?


Your dress is sinful. I can't help myself.