Another Day in White Suburbia.
Yes, nothing much happens around here, but that doesn't stop me from being the best damn tall kid, friend, brother, and son that I can be. A hot cup of Earl Grey and the second Belle and Sebastian album make these efforts that much easier. Thank you for your patience. Now, join me for an informational constitutional, and together we'll see what's happening out on the World Wide Web!
I don't know how I missed this hilarious cybersex transcript that appeared on A Short and Happy Life last month. I'm excited to look through the archives for other times that "amber4ever" has pulled these kind of stunts on unsuspecting males. Thanks to Joshua, back in Phoenix, for ICQing that link to me. I miss that boy. I wish he was here in MA, for a spring game of croquet.
I've been poking through my old bookmarks, and I came up with a classic that I had nearly forgotten about: Strawberry Pop-Tart Blow-Torches. This little site dates back to the golden years of the web, circa 1994, before e-commerce and e-ality and e-at me took over. This is the kind of well documented, practical science that inspired our Project Omni brain child. Also, I seem to remember a page that showed how to make a carefully sliced grape shoot sparks in the microwave... If anyone knows the url for that site, send it over here.
I'm glad that Maryland now requires all new guns to be manufactured with these ridiculous looking trigger locks. This is fairly pathetic as gun control goes, but I think it's a step in the right direction. Still, it raises some questions:
1. If someone is about to shoot me, and I have to fiddle with my trigger lock combination in order to protect myself, aren't I going to die? Probably, yes. I don't own a gun, and I certainly don't want one. But I'm sure there's nothing more frustrating than trying to find your gun key or remeber your gun combination while some skulking hulking bastard makes off with your stereo, laughing.
2. Will we ever see guns with built in safety locks in buddy cop movies? I hope so. Spread the good word. Once it's in the movies, even Charleton Heston won't be able to complain with his slow, long-winded speech.
3. Could these locks possibly be any more bulky or unattractive? Unfortunately, probably not. But it sure would be nice if guns were awkward or silly looking, because there would probably be fewer of them around. Guns shouldn't be so damn sleek and sexy. Unsexy guns probably wouldn't sell very well. They also wouldn't look good in buddy cop movies.
4. Have guns been a big problem in Maryland? Who cares what happens there, anyway? The bill had to start somewhere, I guess. Hopefully, other states will follow suit. I looked around for Maryland crime stats, but I couldn't find any. Personally, I know that if I lived in Baltimore, I'd use whatever tools were available to take my own life.
Tonight I cooked up kabobs, rice, broccoli and bread for the family. And I helped my dear sister Alyssa with her Geometry homework. Alyssa and I are mean to each other sometimes, but usually it's just an act. I love her very much. Secretly, the two of us are plotting to overthrow the other members of the family, starting with Dad. Anyway, Sis gets a lot of silly forwards, and today she sent me a link to The Perfect Joke, and I actually laughed out loud when I read it. This site reveals just how easy it is to make a buck through advertising, because they have almost no content. Just one funny joke.
2:21 AM |
After dinner this evening I made some smoothies and watched The Iron Giant with my sister. What a wonderful movie. She didn't want to rent it, but I did.
Thanks to Metafilter for pointing me toward Car Talk's Worst Cars of the Millenium. The best thing about these pages is the testamonial quotes that accompany each car, i.e. "The big winter of 82-83 froze all the Chevettes in my town like dumb ducks on an icy lake." I have fond memories of listening to Car Talk on NPR while running errands with my dad in downtown Plymouth on Saturday mornings. Saturday mornings are me favorite.
The following is my reply to the fellow from Wall Street who emailed me about a potential Project Bread Truck, as mentioned in my post from last Thursday:
I'm glad to hear that someone down at the NYSE enjoys our scientific exploits. I put a lot more time into writing and constructing the site than the five of us did when we were beating the shit out of the poor thing, and I'm pretty pleased with the end product. I get the occassional message that folks have "laughed so hard they cried", and that... that...
...I'm starting to get all misty...
with tears welling up, but...
I promised myself I wouldn't do this.
Sniff... There, I feel better.
Sure, a gummy worm would be great. Thanks.
I'm back on my feet now.
Any sponsorship, cash donations, stock options or investment tips that you would like to offer us in exchange for the destruction of yet another vehicle would be much appreciated. Contact my secretary and we'll set up a meeting at the local Radisson to give you some time to present a financial plan, your Power Point slides, and a breakdown of those qualities that you feel make you ideal candidates for our organization. Perhaps we'll take you out for rock climbing and sushi, as we often do for prospective clients.
Looking forward to hearing from you,
Was that a bad idea? I sure hope I didn't blow our chances of getting corporate sponsorship. Lord knows I need a new project.
Pardon? Hehehe... yeah, right. Me, get a job. Good one.
11:37 PM |