welcome to kaos. you may begin. indulge.

Why does my wheel barrow have a flat tire? Why was it moved to Harvard yard and filled with bees? Why does my wheel barrow have a flat tire? Why was it moved to Harvard yard and filled with bees? And yet, I'm filled with the desire to go back in time, to do it again, and to make it all right this time. Eliminate my apathy...because in between those horrible suspended moments of fear it was shiningly good. The sort of good that's suspended in time and makes all past hurts seem forgettable, laughable...the good that suggests a forever, that makes your chest swell up with a feeling between absolute joy and pride. You made this happen. You made it dissolve. And how am I going to fit my jagged edges back together again? Efulgence. and... . yep. new day rising doesn't read itself? silly city wiat what weird is the key to success Why is guilt so nebulous. The more you explain to every one else, the more you rationally know you have down it right or at least as well as you knew how, the more none of the words that you or anyone else say, can touch the place that needs to be opened. I wonder why we tend to conceive of your insides as being composed of little roomes and chambers. What the hell is a 'place' that needs to be opened anyways? I miss him so much it pisses me off. I suspect you expected me to say 'hurts.' Well I didn't. It's the morning. Wrapping my naked body in an old crocheted afghan, I cough and splutter and eat things I'm not necessarily hungry for. The chaos of the day has not yet started, but I can feel it coming. The rain has stopped, and the lovers are pausing. Where are we? It's the morning. Wrapping my naked body in an old crocheted afghan, I cough and splutter and eat things I'm not necessarily hungry for. The chaos of the day has not yet started, but I can feel it coming. The rain has stopped, and the lovers are pausing. Where are we? chaos, eh? Khaotik. Ziemlich verruckt. Was bedeutet das, chaos? That nothing is as it seems, nothing is as you want it, or that nothing is? hope-ing this comes back to me timeshares ARE ownership. this IS real estate. you can rent your credits, sell them, or will them to your children. timeshare IS your future. timeshares: an investment into your children's future. it's happenning, it's all happenning. everything i predicted is coming true. in every aspect of my life: career, school, and family. my boyfriend has made our relationship "official" and has declared his love for me; i have been given a promotion; and i made up with my parents. did i die? is this heaven? what's going on?? 2:15...called in sick to work. now I'm smoking weed. Getting paid for it. God Bless America. everyone is whining. everyone is happy. ? k -- i wrote it on my chest in sharpie marker. \ he drew a mustache on me. \ I should not have said that. I meant it -- random factors red coalescence falling like cinders from the red sky bought a brand new lamp, plugged it in, and now the dark don't sit there "On the Road" is the best novel ever. Well, maybe not. But I love it. snark hi...my name is ryan. i can't find a job, but i'm not a lazy bum...i swear. now, i'm not the ryan who creates this website; but another ryan What? Gone already? And yet I feel that somehow it is appropriate. The pigeons, they masturbate their way to heaven, on wings of their own foetid desire, and elsewhat, what else? Who may say that they do not revel in the feast of flesh that is made on the sidewalk, the gathering of many anonymous couples to bask in their own wretchedness? Who has not seen these things. I know a place, a beach, and on that beach I inscribed the word "liminal" as I crossed into the water. I peared up into a shadow in the mist, and it seemed like a great rent in the sky, opening up on to a truer void. Starless, devoid of wonder. Welcome to the life of man. The silent words flicker past, hazy now. We are all cheap sitcoms with bad reception. If you dream, ignore the days and nights and wait for that void, and sink into it facefirst, and find that it is not cold, but warm, the sweet dive into the womb. Or fly up and out, and laugh with laurels, laugh on your throne of maggots and blueberry pie tiny bubbles in the wine I feel the need to feed my brain, my soul (and even my body) better. A constant state of pineing is hard on a person. I was overwhelmed with a feeling of weightlessness but I was moving rapidly despite the fact that my arms and legs rested comfortably in front of me. Surrounded by darkness I moved towards the only invisible light; quickly approaching the dancing orange hugh, my eyes slowly came into focus only when it was already too late. I slammed into and killed that traffic cop, and here I sit on charges of manslaughter 1 while the innocent woman of the law was only attemping to inform me of a blown headlamp. hmmmm... The world is cruel. Society is stupid. Accidents happen, often. Yet, the sunrises every day and shines it's magical sunshine across the worls. New inforamtion is found and skills get learned. "Do a good turn daily." Brighten somebody else's day and yours will get a little brighter, too. press nothing to conitnue get over it. Forever young and dying
Forever more the sun rising each and every day
This then one final promise
All the words you could ever ask for
That tug and twist and try
But fail to describe the deluge, the dying and the darkness
The light the color
the sound and fury of the raging ocean
All these my gifts to you
A final story What is here
? the world serves its own needs the poor prince, a self-appointed steward--

--and all around us, through us, the world is teeming with life, growing and changing and evolving and competing for space. the world is ALIVE with the power and the spirit and the force and the gigantic unstoppable forward movement of life, a movement in which our culture and every culture that has been and every culture that will be and every organism is just one tiny step. we are not an end. we are not a finished product. the world does not exist for us. the world exists for what's coming next. everything is COMING INTO BEING--

all my nasty parlour tricks. i guess so.

i dissappoint myself, sometimes. what am i doing, just sitting here, for months and momths?

yup to the wind and yup the the rain, and good night to some prince, somewhere. i penned matcham's masterstroke on the back of a $0.02 marvel card, but lost the wrapper which seems much more significant as i sit here staring at the door. I'm seriously thinking about having my name legally changed to something a bit more distinguished; it would really fatten up my resume and it couldn't hurt my sex life. The top selections in consideration are Moses, Jean-Luke, and Mr. T... knnbmnbm
l and i said, "who am i to blow against the wind?" i can't wait for the whole world to die. these are the days of miracles and wonder. this is a long-distance call. raining here after a few days of sun. It's getting darker as mid day approaches. I need to go out to buy electricity soon or the power will die. Corn for lunch with butter salt and pepper. Copied a CD compilation for a friend, and found I can make copies of copies. where will it end? The Rolling Stones are really dead...they're not touring, it's the Backstreet boys wearing Mick and Keith's stretched skin. ahh! it keeps happening. i'll have a dream with that i remember clearly when i wake up, but it has made no sense at all. mixing people i haven't seen or heard from since grade school, random words in my vocabulary, etc. Not today, the day after this dream, I'm bumping into all of these elements that I dreamt about the night before. It makes me feel like I completely lack a free will and that every waking moment has been predetermined...stupid puppets. A woodchuck chucks wood.

Does he? allright that was fun, now let's hit the skyline! 4bucks iced coffee. MMmmmm. I should stop drinking on Sunday nights. can't you stand to be a flower just a little bit longer? ihasdreioau Missing circumstances I was alarmed by the mixture of personal and public but it's lovely. For my entire life, (or at least as far back as I can remember) I had always thought that everyone had a soul mate, someone they were just destined for and that it was their job in life to find them. I was absolutely sure I had found mine. Then, when it didn't work out, like the stubborn idiot that I can be sometimes, I went looking for that one person. All I found, everywhere I looked, were people who could possibly maybe be it. It was like looking for a needle in a very large needle-stack of some sort. Eventually, I gave up, and decided that the idea really didn't exist. And that's when I figured it out. (Like I said, I can be pretty dumb sometimes.) The One Person that we're looking for is an abstract expression that can be found in every single human being, if you just look hard enough. Now, that doesn't make any less of the great loves of our lives. It's still the most amazing and beautiful thing of the human experience. What it means is that we're lucky enough to get to feel that more than once, and with more than one person. The jet engines roared over head and she wondered how her newfound banjo powers could help her. If only there were scissors and toothpicks.

Goblins make pocket watches work right. When you open the back they change their physical selves into gears.You can't prove me wrong She hadbeen diagnosed with ADD. She had once eaten an entire box of banana popsicles in a single sitting. She missed her aunt and her favorite new-wave records.

When was the last time anyone had seen such a beautiful princess who couldn't find her way home?

There, in the faintly lit alley between the Bank of America and a dirty Taco Bell, the princess leaned against a dumpster, slid to her knees, and began to cry. No lights flickered, no cats peered out from behind crates, no honorable wino approached to calm her.

what is it that keeps me doing this to myself - I know how much it hurts,every F***ing single time, the same pain all over and still I decide to go trough it. Why? What amI thinking? That this is actually GOOD for me? Where is the reward? I am giving so much,and cannot see what I am getting back. I don't want to wait until I'm 75 to see the positive sides of this!?! Dammit, careful use of in-line css is apparently not encouraged. I feel so cheap. Cheated. I mean cheated. careful maybe, maybe not. So today was pretty okay. I almost got into a car wreck, but tomorrow's another day for driving, right? once ryan and matt and i rolled down a hill. it was dark except for the full moon. the hill was huge with lots of grass and i was scared, but i guess i did it anyway. you had to go headfirst, using your hands for balance. so i tumbled down the hill, feeling out of control, watching the moon alternate with dirt and grass as i went. moon, grass, moon, grass. at the bottom, i landed on my stomach, out of breath, laughing. ryan said he was proud of me. EVAN DANDO puts on a mean live show...the guy covered Love Hurts as his encore, for godssakes. Then Janie's got a Gun. Then Not a Girl, Not Yet a Woman. Smokin Butts, Drinkin Redbulls...the guy's seriously my idol.

And Blake Hazard could be the most beautiful AND talented performer I've seen. gfcnnvbn and i was lovely. This is sooo cooolll the sunroof makes me like to drive. i miss my friends. i like to keep close. i need close and them, they are far. far with the same music i keep here. near here. "oh get me away from here, i'm dying." i am kept safe with trees, sky, ska. a calamity against all that is krisp and kind in the casual kaotic kindness of kitchen ketchup caused french fries the same exact drive toward friendship and Kaos. Harvard Yard. Freshman Week. buy something small i want to

it all comes true eventually. that's the heart and the death wrapped up in this life the other day i felt like i was dying. i thought, for a second, that i was having a heart attack. i'm 22, i work out every day, am in great health and had no real reason to be having a heart attack. it was weird, the things that went through my head when i thought i was dying. i always thought it would be like memories of things i had already done, like my life flashing before my eyes. but instead, i saw myself doing things i have planned for myself, like predicting the future. i'll keep you updated with whether or not they come true. like corn's crackin' The love i know is like no other Whats crackin but rain.

And where have all the wheelbarrows gone? i like nothing i like nothing nobody likes nothing. hey bees. these

knees. once i dreamt that i found a whole bunch of nintendo games somewhere in my neighborhood. in the dream i just walked around all excited, thrilled to have new games, but i woke up dissapointed before i had a chance to play any. then there was nothing to do but hit up 4 hours of excitebike. ultranon is the coolest guy in the whole world. /////////////////////////////////// /////////////////////////////////// /////////////////////////////////// careful careful careful careful careful you are loved.

smells like trouble.

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